Planet Earth (1974)

 "This is the 22nd Century, the land renewed, the air and water pure again." I thought this would be a blast, but something else happened when I was watching it. Planet Earth is a made for TV movie created and written by Gene Roddenberry. I had no idea about that when I pulled it out of the hat... just that John Saxon was in it and the women ruled the planet. Sounded like it had potential for me to throw in a decent amount of witty comments here and there.

The opening theme is a dramatic 70's style introduction to the story, but with a bit of mysterious Star Trek sci-fi undulation. Planet Earth was produced by Robert H. Justman, who also produced the original Star Trek among others. Oh, no wonder the music was so similar. We're introduced to Dylan Hunt, our main character. Ok. At least his first name isn't Rock. He was lost in a suspended animation accident in 1979, found and awakened by the people of Pax in 2133. Somehow the only place on Earth not destroyed by the final conflict.

John Saxon acclimates to his new life and gets down to business as leader of a Pax science team. Much of Earth is now a paradise, where lions freely walk with men because peace abounds... except for the roving bands of strange and mutant savages. Those in Pax live to restore the bountiful planet to all, whether they like it or not. As we learn the condition of future Earth, Saxon delivers these lines with the utmost seriousness "Central California is now an inland sea. Population along the shores, a handsome racial mixture. Illiterate but intelligent."

Virile and competent

Volume cranks to 11

We are rudely introduced to the Kreegs. Mutated humans that only understood machinery and warfare.  The Kreegs are in pursuit of the science expedition because they want access to the underground "sub-shuttle tubes" honeycombing the Earth. Dylan explains to Isiah, played by Ted Cassidy looking guru-like in long hair and headband, that the thing they are driving is called an automobile and that it's fantastic that it's still running.

...and moved to Beverly

1973

Times were changing in 1974. You knew women were making headway when they stopped falling every two feet in cheesy B-movies. Now the older team member, Pater Kimbridge, was the weak link in the chain. The Kreegs are hot on their tail, but don't worry. Your 20th Century Boy to the rescue and hand to hand ensues. Song break.

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Back to the action. The crew finally makes it into the honeycomb, but old Pater was winded and dragging. Couldn't keep up. The Kreegs reach through the flimsy jail cell bars at the entrance and shoot Pater in the back. It's at this point we see the ubiquitous Star Trek actress, Majel Barrett. Her part as some kind of communications officer is small but necessary to mention. 

This is what happened though, when watching this movie...I wondered why I don't have any memory of this movie. I mean life was busy with cool stuff in 1974, but TV movies were a big deal. Not enough to call off a pot party or a delicious fondue, but they were noticed in the TV Guide. So I was pondering who watched this movie when it first aired? Many people I suppose. Imagine. A long day at one of the thriving US manufacturing plants. Feet are aching, body needs rest. Grab a cold one out of the fridge, stick a Swanson TV dinner in the oven and put your feet up. I'm writing it up big, but honestly I had different thoughts my first run through. "This is like a weak effort on Roddenberry's part to bring back Star Trek. It just doesn't have the same pizazz." I was feeling a little sad over that fact. There were people that really wanted it, but something was definitely missing. Nothing could compare to the magic of the ensemble casting on the old Trek. So much charisma. John Saxon does his best at exuding charm, but they wrote his part as that of a scientific man. Not quite the same glint of mischief in his eyes as the roguish Captain Kirk. But can the more than capable Saxon carry the heart of this movie? Here I am making comparisons, and I should be concentrating on this film alone. Can't help it, I had no idea they would be so tied together.

Anyway, let's see where Dylan M. Hunt takes us. Pater Kimbridge has serious heart damage. Repeatedly throughout the movie you'll hear that he needs 'bio-plastic prothesis." Their only chance is Dr. Jonathan Carter, but he disappeared on a team mission over a year ago. Dylan feels indebted to Kimbridge. He was the man that gave him back his life when found lingering somewhere between that state and death. Off to the mysterious land of the Amazons. "Women's lib? Or women's lib gone mad?" John Saxon ponders this question, but you just know he's up to the challenge of finding the answer. It oozes out his pores.

Enter Harper-Smythe played by Janet Margolin. The plan is for her to enter the Amazonian territory as captor of Dylan Hunt, rope around his neck. Diana Muldaur is first on this scene, proving herself to be the worthy female. She carries herself in pure dominance. Harper-Smythe should have been trained a little tougher in whatever academy she went to. What a pushover. Marg takes the male away from her with a vigorous full on slap across the face. He is to be sold as a dink aka male slave. Marg is questioned by another dominant female if she wanted him as a breeder. "No spirit. He came along too willingly." I think that one got under his skin.

In the village of the women of Ruth, the dinks are kept in wooden pens and whipped if they dare look up into female eyes. Dinks are well trained, but you must wonder how this came to pass. This is all a very unsettling view of the future, because who wants to be cranky or enslaved all the time? While in his pen, arms restrained, Dylan encounters the other two men in his search party for the very needed doctor. The giant example of a male, Isiah, and Baylok played by Christopher Cary. I have to mention that every time I saw Baylok he looked like a blonde Sterling Holloway to me. They cower in submission. How have they been trained so quickly? Surgery, injection? It is narrowed down to the food. Don't eat the food!!

Isiah is to be sold. I did giggle when the women chuckled at the thought of thirty-pound babies with Ted Cassidy as the breeder. 😼 Dylan doesn't even make it out of the pen and many women are interested in "this one as a breeder." Luckily his uniform is a little skin tight. A few of the ladies needed to check out the strength of his upper torso before bidding. He's going to be "tested" for this desired capacity. His sale is delayed.

Harper-Smythe has something up her sleeve and stops into a random home to confront the female. She's been practicing her combat moves and subdues the lady of the household quickly. She lucked out apparently and this woman appears to be a kindly family woman. HS does her part hoping to learn the location of Dr. Jonathan Carter. They discuss the rationale behind the workings of this female dominated society and I think this young science officer is being swayed. If women were running the world perhaps it would have not been destroyed in the near past.

Meanwhile, Officer Hunt feigns eating the gruel which has turned all men in the village to weak-willed compliant dinks. The Kreegs are busy outside of town planning an attack on the village. I really wonder if the inspiration for the look of this savage brood was The Great Garloo? Too similar for coincidence.

Back to the pen. It's dark, everyone is asleep, and Dylan makes his move. He tries to question a fellow dink and is surprised by a female guard. He grabs her and quiets her. Will the real John Saxon please stand up? His five o'clock shadow rules the screen now and his pheromones still tinge the air all these decades later. Another female knocks him out and Marg appears and once again there is discussion of his role as a breeder. I'm really starting to enjoy this. HS has discovered that the extract in the gruel is also responsible for a failure on the part of the breeders to produce children. The thing that I don't understand is that when these women do have children some of them are bound to be male? Is this the future they want for them?

"He must be trained or exterminated." A little extract down the throat. "Please don't hurt me." "Hurt you, little man? I have more interesting things in mind for you." Smooth. Brings back memories of Zsa Zsa and The Queen From Outer Space. One of my childhood inspirations. 😁 Marg continues to see spirit, exceptional spirit, she raises an eyebrow and cancels Dylan's auction. Many women are upset. They all had their sights on him. Harper-Smythe rides into town. She issues a challenge to Marg over ownership of the studly dink. Think in John Belushi's voice, "The women fight." A few good punches are thrown, all the while in warrior woman dresses. HS comes out on top. A few more discussions about breeding (there must be another word for it) and the use of the gruel to quiet the men. Treece, played by Sally Kemp: "What do you expect of your males? If you drugged your rams and stallions the same way." The human male "can be controlled by any real woman." (giggling) "Unless she's afraid he'll end up dominating her." Mag: "I'd like to see the male that could dominate me." Treece: "That's just exactly what you'd like. SECRETLY." Major laughter by the women. I joined in.

But wait! What about Dr. Jonathan Carter? Are we finally going to do some searching or will we continue with this "breeding play." Harper-Smythe is invited to spend time at Marg's to find the outsider doctor. She is offered male consort but turns it down to continue on her mission. She glances at her prospective afternoon delight. God knows what she's thinking. HS tries to calm Dylan after the compliance extract takes effect. She tells him not to be afraid, that he pleases her. He wishes to please her more and they become wrapped up in a loving embrace. At that moment Jonathan Carter shows up and the kibosh is put on that scene. He's not drugged, has an antidote and at once gives it to Dylan. This movie keeps getting better every time I watch it.

The scheme is to exchange Hunt for Carter. Marg has illicit plans with Officer Hunt and perhaps he's willing to go along with them. Dylan had a cockamamie story that he had 14 wives. Their purpose was for pleasure and "breeding." Marg balks with hilarity, "The male hasn't lived that could properly see to just one of us." Challenge accepted. This is the moment the entire movie was built around. Is John Saxon up to the task at hand? We all know the answer to that. Don't deny it. He assures her that the males in his country are trained in certain practices. Diana Muldaur at this point is once again quite expressive with her eyebrows. "Practices? What are they? Show me." Now we begin.

There's Saxon in the air

Wine is part of the ritual. They must have bio-chemical balance. Wow, it's heating up in there. There's actual laughter and Marg is certainly letting her hair down. She wants to name him. Saxon says, "Call me Rip. Rip Van Winkle." They're both out of their minds. "Women's lib. Men's lib. What do you say we dump them both, Marg, People's lib?" Dylan has stalled long enough. Time for a little non-verbal communication. Oh no. Gent that he is, this scene fades when he finds the mistress of the house has fallen asleep.

But we better pay attention to the purpose of this mission. Now they are under siege by the Kreegs. They want possession of the drug that makes people replace their free will with fear. John Saxon is quick to move, one down. He joins the others to witness the public humiliation of Marg by the Kreegs. How will the dinks react? All the while that Jonathon Carter was confined to the village, he was creating enough antidote for an opportunity like this one. Last night each dink consumed a reversal drug in their gruel instead of the compliance factor. Can they snap out of it? As one of the Kreegs was about to gut Harper-Smythe, Dylan jumps to action. He wakes up the dinks with "Fight. Fight or they'll kill you." It's a slugfest.  Blue Batman style musical accompaniment to the slugfest. Ted Cassidy shows up in time to take down two at once.

"They fought for me!' A revelation and a new day in this little society. It's true, there will be males chattering and underfoot. And perhaps children underfoot too, as Harper-Smythe reminds them. John Saxon takes off in a 20th century automobile to deliver Dr. Carter just in a knick of time. Pater Kimbridge will pull through. Just wait till he hears this story.

Dylan Hunt returns for one last time to pick up HS and tells Marg he's almost sorry he's not staying on. Marg: "I'm not. You're the worst of everything that's vile in the male species. She laughed at me when I told her about your secret ritual." Don't let these words fool you. There was nothing but the look of sly delight on those two faces. "Come back, Dylan Hunt." "On equal terms?" "On balanced terms." 

How could I have any doubts? I'm sorry Captain Kirk... I enjoyed your playfulness, but Officer Dylan Hunt made me feel like...

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"Men. They have their place."

P.S. I don't normally follow the script so closely, but the dialogue in Planet Earth was choice.